It is warm when I take a large bite of my frikandelmayo sandwich on the terrace of a Dutch person with a snack bar in the South of France. You would think that if you live in the beautiful south of France you would rather enjoy all those delicious dishes they serve here. Well, I can tell you that when I’ve lost 2 and a half pounds of the stress and nonsense that I’m causing and having in my head. A nice greasy bite of a Dutch snack is a good recommendation to keep plodding around a bit full and satisfied. I am tired and have not slept very well in the last few weeks. My head full of shit and unresolved trauma and fantasie cravings, that’s not crossed off my Greg list just yet. Angry at everything and everyone and the whole world. Just like I used to when I was about 16 or 17 years old. But mainly because I am angry with myself for not being able to control my impulses properly at the moment.
Angry at everything and everyone, and the whole world. Just like I used to when I was about 16 or 17 years old. But mainly because I am angry with myself for not being able to control my impulses properly at the moment. After a sip of my beer and a bite of my sandwich, I see out of the corner of my eye a car in the street trying to park. I sit with my back to the snack bar because my mood makes me not really waiting for a conversation with the owner. The window of the is open and I hear the woman sitting in the co-driver’s seat yelling and swearing at the man. It seems to be Spanish when I hear it. And that is not strange, because everyone on the terrace seems to hear it. There is a thought of pity for the man behind the wheel, through my stuffed skull with polluted thoughts and bullshit. I sit at an angle so that I seem to be looking elsewhere while I eat my food. The woman shouts and still yells at the man who regularly gets out and back in the car. Shit, I think, what a hell of a holiday. Car out and he eats a sandwich, in the car and there she goes screaming again. Jezus, I come herr to eat in rest, which is illogical because it looks a bit like Noordwijk aan zee in Holland, but busier and warmer and more tourists.
Anyway, my food is tasty and I enjoy mySpanish soap slightly irritated when I see the woman suddenly looking at me. Shouting is at the pathetic looking man next to her in the car. How do I know you would ask? Well if you are eating quietly and someone yells at someone else and points exactly in your direction. Then there is a good chance that it might be about you if the man suddenly looks at you and starts pointing. I am 48, I feel like shit and am 25 kg lighter than I was in my so-called glory days. My beard is long and white and I have my cap and sunglasses on. An old fuck saggy with a bag full of bones like body and face full of life’s grooves. My head is full of shit and guilt and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t understand Spanish but I see very clearly That their frustrations are now directed against me. At this point their anger is evident as both are screaming and pointing at me and giving me the finger.
The owner and his wife ask what’s going on after I give the Spanish fighters 2 fingers back, and shout one for your mother too. After I briefly explained the story, they drive away screaming and swearing in their small gray car with license plate from Spain. After my dinner and smoke I pay to the wife of the owner and walk slightly irritated past other restaurants back to my car. At the pedestrian crossing that leads to the parking lot, I see the very passionate Spanish couple walking towards me. And then something happens in my head while I know it’s better not to, and still can choose from various options. To the outcome of this upcoming confrontation. My past experience in a different milieu left me with a few traits that can be seen as both annoying and lifesaving. So everything is calculated as well as it could possibly be. But of course that says nothing at all because things can always go differently than expected. Shouting at her boyfriend, the Spanish couple both suddenly see an old man with a long white beard wearing glasses and cap, and with a big
grin on his face shouting at them in English “so lets see if you 2 fuckers still have such a big mouth hey ”. I enjoy seeing their wide-eyed and amazed faces. I am not short and I stand very quick before them before they realize what is happening. The Spaniard is about the same size as I am and shoots from behind the woman to hit me. Since the woman is halfway between us, it’s harder to defend me from the man’s blow because I don’t want to touch her. Before the blow of the man hits me, my palm pounds hard on his chest, pushing the man hard out of his shoes into the bush. Hanging half off balance to the right, I hold the man with my right arm on the ground and shout that he better lie still in English. His hellfire burning Spanish woman hangs half over me and screams in my ear half Spanish English “touch me motherfucker then i call the police”. I’ve never hit women before, and I never will. But she ooh, i realy do my best to hold back. I have my glasses in my left hand and still press the man on the floor with my right, when I look
into the woman’s eyes and say “hey puta I won’t touch you, but i will fucking hurt your man”. He makes himself smaller and she steps back a little bit and spits right in my face, screaming “touch me touch me motherfucker touch me then i call the police motherfucker”. Finally I let go of him and try to walk to my car. He stays at a safe distance and tryes to takes pictures, as she screams and spits at me again with touch me touch me i call the police scene. It seems like I’m the one who got caught up in a bad fucking movie somewhere and this is their source of income, challenging older foreigners and then threatening with the police. Me with my good ideas en bullshit. Another squat of spit in my face. God damn it shoots in my head and as I wipe the drool from my face. Puta piss-of before I crush your man, i get in my car and drive away. She is still tries kicking the car and he hey he, he might not bother old fucks anymore.
He’s having it hard enough already with that bitch.
And me, fuck I couldn’t resist again.